


A Matter of Trust

by bavariansugarcookie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Torture, It starts off sad but i swear it gets better, M/M, Oral Sex, Soft boys being soft, These Boys are a MESS, and they aren't fooling anybody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 01:19:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16107788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bavariansugarcookie/pseuds/bavariansugarcookie
Summary: After the battle of Crait, the Resistance is struggling to regroup, and Poe is becoming more and more reckless, trying to make up for his past mistakes. Then Kylo Ren defects and everything changes.





	1. Cardiac Arrest

Most of the Resistance was waiting in this hangar. It made Poe sick to think about it -- how many lives were lost, how many of them were his own fault. He’d been trying so hard to escape his failure on the Finalizer that he’d just made everything worse. It was one of his best talents.

He smiled grimly as he undid the clasp on his holster, and closed it again. He clicked the strap so many times that the General finally leaned over and whispered, “If you don’t stop, I’ll have you on refresher scrubbing duty for a month.”

“Sorry, General,” he said, clicking the holster strap closed and folding his arms so he wouldn’t be tempted. She gave him her trademark ghost of a smile that would make him follow her to the Outer Rim and back. She’d already forgiven him for everything, of course. Even though she shouldn’t have.

Finally the doors opened and the ship flew in. Poe couldn’t believe it. He had refused to believe the distress signal that said Kylo Ren was out of fuel and surrendering to the Resistance. But now, sure enough, Kylo’s personal shuttle was here and the doors were opening.

He hoped he didn’t look as nauseated as he felt. He glanced over at the General, and she had that familiar steely glint in her eye, but there was something brittle about the way her hand clutched the cane, the way she straightened her shoulders, as if she could shatter at any moment.

A dark gloved hand reached out of the shadow and clutched the door frame and Poe had to fight the urge to throw up. Then Kylo Ren stepped into the light, and Poe almost gasped out loud.

He was beautiful -- dark wavy hair, full lips, dark eyes, the scar that Rey had given him. Poe had never seen him without the mask. Rey had told him he had taken it off during her interrogation, but Poe hadn’t been worth the trouble, apparently.

Kylo Ren looked down at them and Poe couldn’t help wondering what he was thinking. Did they seem hostile? Ragged? Exhausted? Afraid? Because that’s certainly how he was feeling.

Kylo walked slowly down the gangplank and across the hangar. Some of the pilots stiffened and reached for their blasters, but the General held her hand out, and the fight went out of them immediately.

It seemed like it took ten years for Kylo to reach them, and Poe was suddenly wondering if Kylo would notice him. But he won’t, Poe told himself, clenching his fists so his hands wouldn’t tremble. I’m just a pilot. There’s no way he would remember me.

_But you’re the pilot who told him how to find your friends_ , that little voice in the back of his head whispered. _Of course he remembers you._

Poe bit his lip. Keep it together, Dameron, he told himself sternly. You can’t crack up here in front of everyone, and especially not in front of him.

Kylo finally reached them. Was it his imagination, or had he glanced Poe’s direction before his eyes settled on the General? He must have imagined it, because Kylo slowly knelt at the General’s feet. When he looked up at her, Poe was shocked to see his eyes were full of tears. “Mom,” he said in a hoarse whisper, and then looked down at the floor in misery.

A sharp gasp echoed throughout the hangar, and all the things that hadn’t made sense before clicked into place. The General reached out and ran her shaking hand across his scar, down his jaw, and finally tilted his face up to hers. “You’re home,” she said, and then she tossed her cane to the side and threw her arms around him.

***

This was too much for one day, Poe thought. Kylo Ren had defected to the Resistance, the General had cried, and now they were in a huge meeting debriefing Kylo. Most of the leadership tried to be civil for the General’s sake, but some of the younger pilots couldn’t keep the anger out of their voices when they threw questions Kylo’s way. Finally the General stood, leaning against the console.

“I know this is hard,” she said. “I don’t expect forgiveness to come easily, or at all. I just ask for your patience. My son has valuable intelligence about the First Order’s operations, and his defection has been a huge blow. This will turn the tide.” She paused, making eye contact with everyone in the room. “Dismissed.”

The pilots stirred, and an almost happy chatter spread throughout the room. The General hadn’t sounded this hopeful since Crait, and it was infectious.

“Finn,” the General called, “can I speak to you a moment?”

Finn walked slowly down the steps to the front of the room. Poe caught Rey’s eye and they settled back in their seats, just in case.

“Finn, Kylo -- Ben -- has information about some of the schematics and designs of the First Order’s ships. Would you be willing to help him reconstruct the plans?” Finn clenched his jaw and stared at her shoes. “This isn’t an order,” she said softly. “You can say no.”

Finn looked up at her, looked at Kylo, and nodded. “I’ll do it.”

Poe felt a rush of pride. If the General had asked him to do that he would probably have requested 6 months of refresher duty instead. The General smiled and clasped Finn’s shoulder. “Thank you. I’m proud of you.”

Finn smiled back, but looked nervously at Kylo. Kylo hesitated, and then held out his hand. “It looks like we’re both traitors now,” he said. “Phasma would be thrilled.”

And then, despite everything, Finn grinned and shook Kylo’s hand. “I got the jump on her on the Starkiller base,” he said. “We threw her in the trash chute.”

Kylo raised his eyebrows, impressed. “I bet she was furious.”

“Oh she was,” Finn said. “She called me a traitorous swine but I told her I couldn’t hear her from way down there and I shut the door.”

Kylo laughed. Poe wondered what kind of alternate reality he’d fallen into, because Finn and Kylo Ren were together, laughing. He looked over at Rey, who looked pleased and a little smug. “I knew it,” she said. “I knew he was still there.”

Poe looked back and caught Kylo’s eye. That sensation of being seen, of being completely vulnerable washed over him, and suddenly he felt like he was back on the Finalizer, strapped to the chair. Bile rose in the back of his throat.

He stood up. “Tell Finn I’m proud of him,” he told Rey. “I’ve gotta go… get some air.”

Rey touched his arm and nodded. “I understand. Let me know if you need to talk.”

That familiar shame swept over him, carrying him out to sea. Rey was so much kinder than she had to be. She’d been able to stop Kylo. If he’d only been stronger…

“Poe, stop,” she said, her voice sharp. “It’s nothing to do with weakness. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

He sighed. “Thanks, Rey. I’ll see you later.”

She pursed her lips, but he ran away before she could tell him anymore lies to make him feel better. He paused at the door and looked back, and saw Kylo’s eyes on him, his face unreadable. Poe ducked out of the door and wasn’t ashamed to admit that he ran all the way back to his quarters.

***

Poe woke up early the next morning, and knew he’d never be able to go back to sleep. He got up, patted BB-8, and headed for the refresher. A few minutes later he was headed back to the hangar, hot caf in hand. BB-8 followed him, chirping happily.

Technically his X-wing had just had a tune-up and didn’t need to be inspected, but running through the controls calmed him. He climbed out of the cockpit and was fiddling with the thrusters when he sensed that he wasn’t alone anymore. He hadn’t felt that since Kylo had left him alone and broken on the Finalizer…

Just then BB-8 chirped shrilly and he whirled around. Kylo was standing there, looking up at him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He held his hands up. Poe noticed he wasn’t wearing gloves today, and somehow that helped him breathe easier. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

“What about?” Poe said, and cringed. He’d hoped to sound nonchalant, but his voice was much too loud and high pitched. Get it together, Dameron, he thought for the millionth time in the past two days.

“I just wanted to say… I’m sorry for what happened. What I did to you. On the starship.” Poe looked down at Kylo, expecting… what? Derision? Or worse, pity? But all he saw were Kylo’s dark eyes, full of remorse.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me,” Kylo continued, “But I promise I won’t ever use the Force to read your thoughts again. You have my word.” He looked down and ran his hand through his hair. “For whatever it’s worth,” and his voice was suddenly bitter.

He turned to walk away, but Poe finally found his voice. “Thank you,” he called. Kylo turned back and smiled. “So… what brings you to the hangar so early?” _Oh my God_ , Poe thought. _Did you really just ask him if he comes here often?_

But Kylo didn’t laugh at him. He pursed his lips thoughtfully. “It’s... quiet. And no one’s watching me. Before everyone jumped to attention when I walked by, and now everyone jumps like I’m a loose rancor.” He sighed. “Not that I can blame them.”

“I like the hangar in the mornings too,” Poe said. “It’s just me, and my X-wing, and BB-8. I don’t have to worry about the war or the next fire fight. It’s nice.” He looked over at Kylo, worried he’d shared too much. “I mean, I’m sure this looks like a scrap yard compared to the First Order’s hangar, but it’s _our_ scrap yard.” _Stop talking, Dameron_.

“It is nice,” Kylo said. “In the First Order everything was polished like glass because of the rules. But you take care of your ship because you love it.” He looked up at Poe. “The First Order didn’t really have time for sentimentality.”

Poe smirked and patted the nose of his X-wing. “Well, if you want sentimentality, you’ve come to the right place. This whole operation is basically held together with rusty bolts and dreams.”

Kylo smiled and Poe marveled. Had he really gotten a smile out of the infamous Kylo Ren? It was silly, but he wanted to do it again. He cleared his throat.

“If you wanted to work on your ship in the mornings, you’re more than welcome to,” he said. “Or you can come listen to me and BB-8 argue about how to get my X-wing in shape to pass inspection every month.”

And like magic, Kylo smiled again, warm and gentle. “I’d like that.”

Poe realized he was smiling too. “Good.”

***

Poe fell into an easy rhythm over the next few months. He’d wake up, go to the hangar, and meet Kylo. Sometimes they would talk, or just tinker with their ships in silence. If anyone had told Poe a few months before that he’d be choosing to spend time with Kylo Ren, he’d have thought they were crazy. But soon it was the best part of his day.

After their daily maintenance checks, they’d get breakfast at the mess hall. People were gradually getting used to Kylo being there. Poe sitting with him every morning had raised eyebrows at first, but then Finn and Rey had joined them. Rose had been more hesitant at first, since she’d still been in the infirmary when Kylo arrived. But even she had warmed up to him after he found a thin chain to replace the broken leather chord of her necklace.

And then after breakfast Kylo would leave to work with Finn on First Order schematics and intercepted messages, and Poe would go to strategy meetings. The First Order was still weak, but Hux was quickly consolidating power, and reaching out to powerful people on Coruscant and other wealthy planets who had pro-Empire sympathies.

On the best days, he’d go on a mission. Sometimes they ended in a fire fight, sometimes not. Poe kept finding himself taking bigger and bigger risks, putting himself in harm’s way, trying to escape the guilt that grew heavier and heavier every day.

Finally he took one risk too many, and he took a hit that almost downed his X-wing for good. He was able to go to lightspeed just long enough to get out of the TIE Fighters’ range, and then his X-wing limped the rest of the way back to the base.

The General was incandescent with anger when he finally landed in the hangar. “What were you thinking, Dameron?” she hissed.

“I was trying to get everyone back in one piece, General.”

“Well you seem to have forgotten that ‘everyone’ includes you. You’re getting more and more reckless.” He opened his mouth to protest, but she held her hand up to silence him. “Don’t try to deny it. Pava told me that you’ve been making riskier maneuvers with every mission.”

He shot a glare at Pava, who stared back at him defiantly.

“It seems your X-wing has made my decision for me,” she said. “You’re grounded until further notice.”

“Grounded?” Poe spluttered. He’d been trying so hard to make up for the mistakes that got him demoted the last time, he couldn’t be grounded again. “But General --”

“No buts. We’ll see how things stand when your X-wing is operational. And then I MIGHT give you clearance to fly again. Understood?” Poe nodded, numb.

The General patted his shoulder as she walked away. “I know you’re angry, but I need you to realize that you’re worth more than your talent as a pilot,” she murmured.

She walked away and Finn and Rey grabbed his hands to drag him to the mess hall to hear about the mission and yell at him for almost getting himself blown up. But all Poe could think about was the fact that the General was wrong. Flying was the only thing he was good at, and now he couldn’t even do that.

The next morning he got up to start on his X-wing repairs, only to find that the General had barred him from working on it. He swore under his breath. Feeling lost, he started to walk back to his quarters when he met Kylo in the doorway, holding two cups of caf. “I thought you might need this.”

“Thanks,” Poe mumbled.

Kylo looked at Poe shrewdly. “Come on, let’s go somewhere else.”

He steered Poe to one of the hallways near the infirmary that was almost always empty, and sat down, crossing his legs. Poe sighed and slumped down next to him. “Do you want to talk about it?” Kylo asked.

“Not really,” Poe said. He took a sip of caf.

Kylo sighed. His fingers tapped on the floor and they sat in silence for a few minutes until Kylo broke it. “Poe -- I can feel your guilt --”

“I thought you weren’t going to read my mind again,” Poe said sharply.

“I haven’t!” Kylo protested. “But I can still sense your emotions, and they’re the same ones I sensed when I left you on the Finalizer. Fear, pain, shame, guilt.”

Poe wanted to look away, wanted to run away, but he couldn’t wrench his eyes away from Kylo’s face. Kylo had been staring at the cup of caf he was holding, but finally he looked into Poe’s eyes.

“You’ve felt guilty because you thought you betrayed your friends, but you didn’t --”

“Yes, I did!” Poe croaked. “I told you about the map to Luke Skywalker! I told you everything!”

“But you didn’t,” Kylo said slowly, as if he was trying to keep his voice steady. “I made you tell me. I literally forced you --”

“But Rey didn’t!” Poe said. “Rey didn’t break. If I had been stronger --”

“Poe, do you know how often I’ve told myself the same thing?” He looked away from Poe, staring at the floor. “If I had only been a better son, a better student, if I had only been strong enough to resist Snoke?” His hands clenched so hard he was about to break the caf cup. Poe stared at him, dumbstruck.

“I’ve been running from my guilt for years, trying harder and harder to win Snoke’s approval, because I thought if I got it, I wouldn’t feel guilty anymore.” Kylo ran his hand over his eyes, and finally looked up at Poe. “Did Rey tell you what happened with Snoke?”

Poe nodded, and Kylo seemed to deflate. “All this time, I’d been slowly killing myself for his approval, and that’s when I finally realized I would never get it. There would always be another test, another sign of weakness I would need forgiveness for. I’d never be free.”

His voice dropped, so low Poe could hardly hear it. “So I killed him. Probably the only good thing I’ve ever done in my life, but I feel guilty for that too.”

“Is that why you came back?” Poe asked. He’d often wondered why Kylo threw away his newfound power.

Kylo took a deep breath. “Partially. Rey tried to get me to come with her then, but I didn’t. I thought taking Snoke’s place would make it all worth it. But I felt so lost.” He blinked away tears, and Poe reached out and brushed them away, amazed by his own boldness.

“There was nothing left for me. I had outwitted Snoke, I had the power I thought I’d always wanted, but then I realized that no matter how many battles I won or planets I conquered, I would still be totally, utterly, alone. With nothing but my guilt for what I’d done.”

Kylo reached up and brushed the curls out of Poe’s eyes. “I deserve to feel guilty for the things I’ve done, but I won’t let you punish yourself for something I did. It was my fault. Not yours.” His voice broke. “You’re a better man than I’ve ever been.”

He started to pull his hand away, but Poe caught it and held it there. “But what if I’m not? Even if what happened on the Finalizer wasn’t my fault, what happened afterward was.” He closed his eyes. “I got so many people killed, all because I was too stupid and arrogant to listen. I almost ruined everything by sending Finn and Rose on a harebrained scheme. I lead a mutiny. I did as much damage as you or Hux ever did.”

Kylo smiled weakly. “Hux would be devastated to hear that,” he whispered.

Poe sighed. “So what do we do?”

“I don’t know,” Kylo said sadly. “I don’t why why you’re even talking to me, after what I did…”

“I’m not sure either,” Poe said honestly. A flash of pain crossed Kylo’s face, and he pulled away, and Poe wanted to smack himself. He said in a rush. “It’s just… I can’t stay away from you. When you first came back I was terrified, but… you’re not the same as you were on the Finalizer. You’ve changed.”

Kylo looked at him, half mournful, half hopeful. “I have?”

“Yeah, you’re less… conflicted.”

“It has been a while since I broke anything on purpose,” Kylo said, only half joking.

“See, progress!” Kylo gave him a withering look, but the effect was ruined when he laughed along with Poe.

“And I’ve seen how you go out of your way to help people. Like fixing Rose’s necklace, and bringing me caf. And I don’t feel guilty or inadequate when I’m with you like I do when I’m around Finn or Rey or Rose.” He paused. “That sounds worse than I meant it to.”

Kylo laughed and reached out to trace the line of Poe’s jaw. “Well that’s a relief.”

Poe swallowed. “It’s just… before you saw straight through me, and it scared the hell out of me. But now it’s like you really see me and it’s... exhilarating.”

Kylo gave a hesitant smile. “Sometimes you look at me and it feels like I could be worth it. Like I could be good enough for you.”

Poe looked into Kylo’s eyes, mesmerized. Kylo’s thumb brushed ever so gently over Poe’s lips and he shivered. Was Kylo about to kiss him? Did he want Kylo to kiss him? Kylo’s eyes flicked up from Poe’s lips and he realized he really really wanted Kylo to kiss him.

Of course, their commlinks buzzed at that precise moment about an emergency strategy meeting.

“Fuck,” Poe whispered.

“I guess we should go,” Kylo said, but he didn’t seem in any hurry to leave.

“I guess so,” Poe said. He strangely wasn’t in a hurry to rush to the meeting either.

Kylo leaned forward. “Can I -- can I kiss you?” he asked, surprisingly shy.

“Yes,” Poe breathed. Kylo leaned in and their lips touched and Poe’s brain short circuited. Kylo’s lips were soft and full and their kiss tasted like stale caf. It was perfect.

Poe was just running his fingers through Kylo’s hair when Finn’s voice came over the commlink. “Dameron? Where are you? The meeting’s about to start!”

“Fuck,” Poe said, with feeling.

Kylo smiled regretfully. “I guess we really should go,” he said, standing up and offering Poe a hand. Before he could let go, Poe pulled him in for one last heart-stopping kiss before they sprinted down the hall.


	2. Bad Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two men who are used to being in control and hate being vulnerable suddenly have to be vulnerable. More at 11!

When they finally reached the briefing room, Poe was out of breath and he knew his face was red. He took a deep breath and walked in, trying to look inconspicuous.

Which would’ve worked better if everyone else hadn’t been waiting. 

“Sorry, General,” he muttered, nodding in her general direction as he hurried to take a seat. The only two seats left were at the very front, and if Poe hadn’t been blushing before, he definitely was now. Rey was smiling slyly at him, Finn looked like he was trying to figure out a complicated First Order cipher, and Pava was grinning like it was her birthday.

“Nice of you to join us, Captain,” she said in a stage whisper.

“Yes, thank you, Captain,” the General said. “I’m surprised we were able to pull you away from your X-wing repairs.”

“Huh?” Poe said. He was about to say “You banned me from working on my ship,” when he noticed her sly smile, so instead he said, “Oh yes, there’s a lot to do.”

Pava and the other pilots looked much less interested in Poe’s X-wing repairs than in his being alone with Kylo Ren so the General continued, “Now, we just got intel about First Order activity near Shu-Torun…”

Poe caught Kylo’s eye and they shared a secret smile. 

After the meeting the others left for their various assignments but the General called Poe forward. She murmured, “Don’t think this gets you out of being banned from ship repairs, Dameron.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Poe said, looking at his feet sheepishly.

“You’re dismissed, Captain,” she said, looking very amused.

Poe had a hard time focusing for the rest of the day because he kept thinking holy shit holy shit holy shit I made out with Kylo Ren. Rey bumped his arm at dinner. “You alright, Poe? You’re quiet today.”

“Oh, I’m fine. Just... thinking about how long it’ll take to get my X-wing in flying shape.”

Then Kylo and Finn walked in, scanning the mess hall for their friends. When Kylo caught Poe’s eye his face softened, and Poe caught himself grinning. Then he looked over at Rey, who just raised her eyebrows and smiled at him before taking a bite of stew. 

Later that night Poe was tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep. He finally gave up and turned on the light. BB-8’s sensor blinked on, and cheeped sleepily at him. “It’s ok, BB-8, it’s just insomnia. You can power down.” BB-8 chirped and powered down with a beep. 

Poe stood up and stretched, and reached to grab his jacket to toss over his sleep shirt when there was a knock on the door. 

He ran his fingers through his hair, and went to open the door, trying to ignore how hard his heart was beating. 

It was Kylo, wearing his gray sleep pants and shirt. He was leaning against the doorframe and all Poe could do was stare. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Poe said, hoping he wasn’t blushing too much. “Can you not sleep either?”

Kylo shook his head. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” Poe said. “Sorry there’s not much room.” He took a quick glance behind him, and for once was thankful that it was so small he couldn’t let it get too messy.

Kylo stepped inside and the door clicked shut behind him. Suddenly Poe’s room seemed a lot smaller. “Here, hold on a sec.” Poe hurried to smooth his blankets and lean his pillow against the wall, taking a minute to try to get his nerves under control. “There, that’s better,” he said, waving Kylo over to sit on the bed while he pulled out his desk chair.

Kylo sank down on the bed slowly. “Oh, I -- I didn’t come here to kick you out of your bed,” he said.

“Oh --” Poe said, and immediately felt his face flush even more than before.

“Kriff, that’s not what I meant.” Kylo said, burying his face in his hands. “I just meant you could sit next to me. On the bed. I wasn’t trying to…”

“Well you did show up at my room in the middle of the night,” Poe pointed out. Kylo threw the pillow at him. Poe caught it and threw it back, hitting Kylo square in the face. Kylo huffed impatiently and grabbed Poe’s hand, pulling him to the bed. Poe couldn’t help himself. “So you didn’t want a pillow fight?”

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Do you always make stupid jokes?”

“Uh, yes,” Poe said. “It’s kind of my specialty.”

“I guess I’ll have to get used to it then,” Kylo whispered softly, tracing the back of Poe’s hand with his finger. 

“I guess so,” Poe said. It felt like that moment before takeoff -- sitting still in the hangar, waiting... hoping…

Kylo brought Poe’s hand to his lips, kissed his knuckles softly. He glanced at Poe, half shy, half bold. Poe reached up to Kylo’s face with his other hand, running his thumb along Kylo’s bottom lip. He leaned forward, and their lips met.

That weightless feeling he’d only felt flying washed over him, and suddenly his fingers were tangled in Kylo’s hair, Kylo’s hands around his waist.

Kylo slipped his hand under the hem of Poe’s sleep shirt and broke the kiss. “Can I…”

Before he even finished his sentence Poe said “Yes,” and lifted his arms above his head. Kylo smiled and pulled the shirt over his head and tossed it onto the table. He ran his hand over Poe’s chest and Poe shivered. 

Kylo leaned in to kiss him again but Poe tugged on the hem of his shirt. Kylo laughed and held his arms up so Poe could take off the shirt. Poe wasn’t quite as graceful since he was so much shorter.

As soon as Poe had thrown the shirt to the side, Kylo’s lips were on his again. Poe smiled into the kiss and ran his hands down Kylo’s chest. And then Kylo was kissing along his jaw and down his throat. Poe moaned.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” Kylo said, his voice low and rough. Poe’s heart skipped a beat.

“Really?”

“Mhmm,” Kylo said in between kisses. “That morning you were laying on the roller seat working on the X-wing’s undercarriage I wanted to…”

“What?” Poe whispered, taking the chance to kiss along Kylo’s collar bone.

“This,” Kylo said. He grabbed the pillow and laid it down at the head of the bed and gently guided Poe down until he was lying on his back and Kylo was straddling his hips. Kylo took a long, appreciative look at Poe before leaning down and kissing him, desperate and hungry. He trailed kisses down his throat, across his chest, and down his stomach.

“Kylo…” Poe moaned.

Kylo looked up at him with a wicked grin that would’ve made Poe hard instantly if he hadn’t been already. He clutched the sheets to keep his hands from shaking as as Kylo’s hand slowly moved up the inside of his thigh.

“Kylo… please…” he whispered, totally wrecked.

Kylo’s fingers ran inside the waistband of his sleep pants and Poe bit back a whimper. When Kylo pulled the sleep pants down and took Poe’s throbbing cock in his hand Poe couldn’t keep the moan back anymore.

Poe’s focus had narrowed to Kylo’s hand on his dick, but suddenly he noticed that Kylo looked confused. “What is it?” he asked, feeling his face start to flush in embarrassment. 

Kylo looked down and his face softened. “Nothing, I was just trying to think how to do this.” He leaned down and kissed Poe. “It would’ve been easier in the hangar.”

“But a little less private,” Poe quipped.

Kylo smirked. “True. Here…” He stood up and and lifted Poe’s hips, moving him gently until he was lying diagonally across the bed. He knelt down between Poe’s legs and kissed up and down his inner thighs. 

Just as Poe was about to beg, Kylo’s lips wrapped around his cock and Poe threw his head back. “Kriff, Kylo!”

Kylo stopped. “Is this ok?”

“Kriff, yes, please don’t stop,” Poe pleaded desperately.

Kylo licked from the base of his shaft to the head and flicked the tip with his tongue over and over. Poe closed his eyes, trying not to get too carried away, but then Kylo wrapped his lips around Poe’s cock again and it was useless.

His hips bucked and and Kylo made a surprised noise and pulled back. Poe pushed himself up onto his elbows. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he said.

But Kylo just reached up and took Poe's hand, which was still clenching the sheets. “It’s fine,” he said softly. “Does it feel good?”

“Yes,” Poe aid, starting to blush again.

“Good,” Kylo said, entwining his fingers with Poe’s. He took the base of Poe’s cock with his other hand, swirling his tongue around the head.

Poe moaned and squeezed Kylo’s hand. He could feel the pleasure gradually building, threatening to drag him under. “Kriff, Kylo, you’re going -- you’re going to make me --”

Kylo took his cock deeper than ever and Poe lost his last shred of control. His whole body shuddered as he moaned Kylo’s name.

Kylo held Poe’s hand as he came down, then stood and grabbed his sleep shirt to wipe his face.

“Sorry,” Poe said dreamily.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Kylo said, nudging Poe over so he could crawl into bed next to him. Poe noticed the bulge in Kylo’s sleep pants and ran his hand down Kylo’s stomach, stopping just above his hip. He looked at Kylo questioningly and Kylo nodded and whispered, “Please.”

Poe slipped his hand inside Kylo’s pants and wrapped his fingers around Kylo’s cock. Kylo closed his eyes. “Do you like that?” Poe asked as he started to pump his hand.

Kylo nodded, eyes still closed, and Poe kissed him gently. “Poe…” Kylo moaned against his lips.

Poe reached down and pulled Kylo’s sleep pants all the way off and licked his palm a few times. “I like it when you moan my name,” he confessed as he took Kylo’s cock in his hand again.

Kylo leaned his head back and groaned. “I like it too,” he said. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Poe’s heart thudded harder against his ribs and he moved his hand faster. Kylo moaned again and Poe kissed his throat. “The first day I saw you in the hangar I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen,” he whispered.

Kylo opened his eyes and stared at Poe in shock. “Really?” He swallowed and looked away. “Even my scar?”

Poe’s heart melted. “Of course. I love every inch of you,” Poe said, slowing his hand to a more steady rhythm.

“Poe…” Kylo moaned.

“Does this feel good?” Poe asked. Kylo nodded, biting his lip. “I want to make you feel good over and over and over again.” Poe’s lips grazed Kylo’s jaw and he shuddered.

“What do you want to do to me?” Kylo asked, so quiet Poe almost didn’t hear it.

“Well, maybe sometime we can go down to the hangar early to work on your ship,” Poe said. “And I can blow you in the pilot’s seat.”

“Oh fuck,” Kylo moaned as he came. Afterwards he collapsed against Poe’s chest and nuzzled into his neck. 

“Was that good?” Poe asked.

“Mhmm,” Kylo hummed.

Poe smiled. “Good. Sit up just for a second.”

Kylo huffed, but he sat up so Poe could grab his sleep shirt and clean them both up. Then Poe laid down and wrapped his arms around Kylo, nuzzling into Kylo’s neck. Gradually he dozed off, lulled to sleep by Kylo’s steady breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspired by Bad Together by Dua Lipa, because it's kind of perfect for this ship imho.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy! Sorry for any confusion that the first chapter said it was a one-off. (I've never felt more old in my life!)


	3. Be Still My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I thought, be still my heart  
> This could be a brand new start, with you.  
> And it will be clear  
> If I wake up and you're still here with me in the morning...

Poe woke up the next morning to the sound of BB-8 beeping.

 

“Poe didn't say he was having a SLEEPOVER!”

 

Kylo stirred beside Poe, throwing his arm across Poe’s chest. “BB-8, shhhh!”

 

“Is that why Poe told BB-8 to power down?” BB-8 chirped. If he hadn't known better, Poe would've sworn the droid winked at him.

 

“No, I promise, it was a surprise!” Poe whispered, propping himself up on one elbow with difficulty. Kylo was apparently a cuddler. “Please, BB-8!”

 

“OK, I'll leave Poe to have some surprise sleepover alone time with his friend Kylo Ren,” BB-8 said before rolling to the door and letting himself out. Poe groaned and collapsed back on the pillow. That droid was going to be the death of him.

 

Kylo mumbled something in his sleep, and Poe smiled, tracing up and down his shoulder, then down his side. Last night had been so good, but what if Kylo changed his mind now that it was morning? What if it was just for the one night?

 

Before Poe had a chance to get too deep into his anxiety spiral, Kylo stirred and opened his eyes. He smiled and reached up to run his fingers along Poe’s cheek. “I thought it was a dream,” he whispered. “I'm glad it wasn't.”

 

Poe breathed out a sigh of relief. “Me too,” he said softly, brushing Kylo's hair out of his eyes.

 

Kylo propped himself up on his elbow and leaned down to kiss Poe, slow and gentle but aching with want. Poe felt his heart stutter and then take off at light speed.

 

He reached down and stroked Kylo's dick. “Kriff,” Kylo moaned and suddenly his hand was around Poe’s cock.

 

“Shit,” Poe breathed, slowing his pace so his hand was moving in sync with Kylo's. He heard the commlink buzz but he ignored it. It could wait.

 

A few minutes later they both had collapsed on the bed, breathing hard. Kylo leaned over to grab the sleep shirt again, and Poe had a horrible realization. “You don't have any clothes.”

 

“Neither do you,” Kylo teased.

 

“No, I mean you came here in your sleep clothes so you don't have anything to wear _now_.”

 

“Oh.” Kylo glanced down at the messy sleep shirt he was holding. “I guess I could just put on my pants and then…”

 

“I'm not going to make you do the walk of shame shirtless,” Poe said, indignant. “I'll hop in the refresher and get dressed, and then while you're in the refresher I'll run down to your room and get something for you to wear.”

 

“Won't people wonder why you're in my room?”

 

“I’ll just say you forgot something. It'll be a hell of a lot easier to explain that than why you're leaving my room half naked.”

 

Kylo laughed. “Ok, fair. Now hurry up, you'll make us late!”

 

Poe rolled his eyes, but he got up and ran for the refresher. He didn't bother putting on his flight uniform since he was grounded anyway, so he threw on his favorite black shirt and the first pair of pants he found. He caught one last kiss as Kylo stepped into the refresher and bolted out the door.

 

Right into BB-8.

 

“Is the surprise sleepover alone time over?” the droid chirped cheerfully.

 

“Yes,” Poe whispered as he started power walking toward Kylo's room, BB-8 rolling furiously to keep up. “And it was a _secret_ surprise sleepover, so please don't tell 3PO or anyone else.”

 

BB-8's visual sensor narrowed. “Obviously,” it beeped mischievously. Poe sighed heavily.

 

No one was nearby to see him jimmy the door latch, thank Kriff. He tried to pick out a shirt and pants that at least sort of matched, and then at the last minute remembered to grab the commlink on Kylo's table.

 

The hallway was still empty when he left, so he practically ran back to his room.

 

Kylo was laying on the bed, hair slightly damp from the refresher and Poe was tempted to climb back in with him. But instead he tossed the clothes at him. “I grabbed your commlink too, but I probably shouldn't throw that.”

 

“Probably not,” Kylo said with a smirk as he pulled the shirt over his head.

 

“Come on, you'll make us late!” Poe said, and grinned when Kylo rolled his eyes.

 

“Hold on a second, unless you think I should go out like this,” Kylo said, pointing at his shirt and underwear.

 

“I mean, _I_ wouldn't mind,” Poe said, and Kylo swatted him with the pants, blushing.

 

Poe cleared his throat. “So… I was thinking, you could maybe keep some clothes in my drawer, in case you decide to stay over again… if you wanted to, obviously.”

 

Kylo looked up at him, a surprised smile spreading across his face. “I'd like that,” he said, pulling Poe in for a lingering kiss.

 

Thankfully there was no strategy meeting that day, so eventually  Kylo left to meet Finn and Poe went to get an update on his X-wing from the techs. He noticed he felt much happier than the day before.

***

The next strategy meeting was going well until the display panel broke. Poe sighed and went to refill his cup of caf with the others while they waited for a tech, but when he came back he saw Kylo laying on the floor under one of the desks fixing it. (Ok, now he got Kylo’s fantasy about the roller seat.)

 

Eventually Kylo crawled back out and smoothed his wild hair. “Ok, try it now.”

 

And it worked. Everyone clapped appreciatively and Rey nudged his arm. “I didn’t know you were so good at that stuff.”

 

“Yeah, I was always good at tech. When I wasn’t smashing it, anyway,” Kylo said. Finn cringed and an awkward silence filled the room.

 

Poe pointed at the hopelessly outdated equipment. “Well, no smashing this,” he quipped. ‘It’s very expensive.”

 

Rey snickered behind her hand. “Maybe on Jakku.” Kylo let out a bark of laughter and soon everyone was laughing along.

 

Finally the General said, “Alright, back to work everyone.”

 

Poe winked at Kylo, who blushed and looked down at his tablet. “Thanks,” he murmured.

 

“Anytime,” Poe said, with a lingering look that made Kylo blush all over again.

 

“Where’s Dameron?” Pava asked, so Poe reluctantly left to talk flight formations.

***

A few days later, Poe was sitting on Kylo’s ship, pretending to be studying the schematics while Kylo ran through his flight checks. It wasn’t the same as working on his X-wing (the General still hadn’t cleared him to work on repairs yet), but it was the next best thing.

 

Kylo slipped outside and Poe heard him knocking around on the engine. He traced the diagram with his finger. Poe would rather go camping on Jakku than admit it out loud, but being grounded from missions was… nice. He still missed flying, but he hadn’t missed that adrenaline rush as much as he had expected. That urge to throw himself into anything, everything, to run away from his mistakes wasn’t as urgent as it was before.

 

Suddenly Kylo’s voice broke through his thoughts. “Kriff!”

 

“What’s the matter?”

 

“The compressor,” Kylo said, slumping into the captain’s chair despondently. “I kept hearing a hissing sound, and I was hoping I could salvage it. But it’s totally shot.”

 

Poe swallowed and looked down at the schematic in front of him. “Oh, shit. I don’t know if we’ll be able to find one to replace it.”

 

“I know,” Kylo said, “It looks like I’m grounded for good.” He sighed. “I know it’s silly to hang onto it. You’d think I’d want to get rid of it since it’s the last connection I have to the First Order. It’s just…” he ran his hand along the control panel. “It was the only place I felt like myself. The only place I was free.”

 

Poe nudged his knee. “It’s not silly. That TIE Fighter I requisitioned…”

 

“Stole,” Kylo said with a smirk.

 

Poe rolled his eyes, trying to hide his smile. “Like I said, _requisitioned_.” Kylo raised his eyebrows, but Poe continued, “It was top of the line, but I would still pick my X-wing every time.”

 

He reached over and took Kylo’s hand. “We’re pilots. Our ships are home.”

 

Kylo squeezed Poe’s hand and pulled him onto his lap. “I love you,” he whispered, and froze, looking panicked. “I mean…”

 

Poe took Kylo’s face in his hands. “I love you too,” he breathed. Kylo stared at him, shocked, until Poe leaned in and kissed him.

 

Kylo sighed into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Poe’s waist. He traced his hands up and down Poe’s back, sending shivers down his spine.

 

He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against Poe’s. “I can’t believe it,” he murmured. “I can’t believe you love me back.”

 

“Well then you’re stupid.” Poe said softly, and Kylo laughed. Poe brushed Kylo’s hair back and planted featherlight kisses along Kylo’s cheekbone and jaw, trailing down his throat, whispering “I love you,” with each kiss.

 

Kylo looked at him adoringly and ran his finger down Poe’s chest, sending a shiver of desire down Poe’s spine. He was just reaching to pull off Kylo’s jacket when Finn’s voice came over the commlink.

 

“Kylo -- we just intercepted a First Order transmission. I think it’s a big one. Meet me at the command room in 5.”

 

“Kriff,” Kylo whispered before he picked up the commlink. “Copy. Be there soon.”

 

He leaned his head back against the headrest. “Every damn time.”

 

Poe laughed. “I guess we’ll have to get used to that.” He took the opportunity to kiss along Kylo’s exposed throat until he was moaning Poe’s name. “Sorry, I guess I should let you go,” Poe said, sliding off Kylo’s lap reluctantly.

 

Kylo stood up and put the commlink in his pocket. “You don’t _sound_ sorry,” he said with a smirk.

 

“Oh no, I’ve been found out,” Poe said, and Kylo pulled him in for a kiss.

 

“Hold that thought?” he whispered.

 

“Of course. Later tonight?” Poe said, running his fingers along Kylo’s jaw.

 

Kylo gave him a devastating smile and one last quick kiss. “Can’t wait.”

 

He opened the door, and Poe started to follow him, but at the last minute he turned and shoved the ship manual into his pocket before jogging after Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poe's up to something... I wonder what? (mwahaha)
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for all your comments, they always make my day! 
> 
> (chapter title inspired by Be Still My Heart by The Postal Service)


	4. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm hooked on all these feelings  
> I know exactly what I'm feelin'  
> This love asylum, like an island, just me and you  
> Spent the night, you got me high  
> Oh, what did you do?  
> I'm hooked on all these feelings

While Kylo went to meet with Finn and the others, Poe went looking for Rose. He found her working on the control panel for the hangar doors, which had been on the fritz. “Hey, Rose, how’s it going?”

 

She set down the welding torch and pushed the goggles up onto her head. “Busy. Do you need help with something?” She narrowed her eyes and pointed her finger at him accusingly. “You haven’t been working on your X-wing, have you? The General will  _ kill  _ me if I help you bend the rules… again.”

 

He held his hands up. “No, no, I’m on the level.” 

 

She put her hand down. “Alright. I believe you.”

 

Poe grinned. “So, are you still in touch with that smuggler from Otomok?”

 

She unconsciously touched her necklace. “Maybe? What do you need?”

 

“This.” He pulled the schematic out of his pocket and pointed out the compressor. 

 

Rose’s eyebrows shot up. “A  _ First Order  _ compressor? Why would you need this?” But then she noticed the ship diagram and gave him a sly look. “Man, you’ve really got it bad, huh?”   
  


Poe rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Uh huh,” Rose said. “I guess Rey was right.”

 

“Wait, what?” Poe asked.

 

“Oh, nothing,” Rose said. She folded up the manual and handed it back to Poe. “I can’t promise that my friend will be able to find anything, but I’ll check and let you know.”

 

“Thanks, Rose! And uh...” he leaned in closer. “I don’t want to get his hopes up, so if you wouldn’t mind keeping it a secret…”

 

“No problem. And don’t worry, I won’t tell Pava.” Poe’s jaw dropped in horror, but Rose giggled and patted his arm. “You guys are cute together. I’m rooting for y’all.”

 

“Thanks,” he muttered, looking at his shoes.

 

“See you around, lover boy.” Poe waved and turned quickly so she couldn’t see him blush. 

 

***

 

The intercepted message must have been important because Kylo and Finn and the other techs weren’t at dinner. Poe realized he kept looking up at the door expectantly whenever it opened. “Get a grip, Dameron,” he thought to himself as he poked at his dinner.

 

Later in his room he ran out of things to do after changing into his sleep clothes, putting clean sheets on the bed, and running a maintenance check for BB-8. He was flipping through his X-wing manual for the 5,000th time when there was a knock on the door. He got up, trying to play it cool, but when he saw Kylo standing there he caught himself grinning from ear to ear. Kylo held up a black bag. “I came prepared this time.”

 

Poe laughed. “I see that! How’re you?” he asked, waving Kylo in and closing the door.

 

Suddenly BB-8 rolled over. “Poe. I’m going to go down to maintenance for a check in.”

 

“What? I just ran the scan!”

 

BB-8 chirped slower, as if Poe was monumentally dense. “I’m going to maintenance. I’ll see you later.” He rolled to the door to let himself out and Poe thought he heard one last chirp about needing an oil bath after all this stupidity.

 

“So, how are you?” Poe said, deciding not to explain BB-8’s apparent self-appointed wingman status.

 

“Tired,” Kylo said with a yawn. “That intercepted message is going to turn out to be a nightmare.” 

 

“I’m sorry. Do you wanna just cuddle on the bed?”

 

Kylo smirked. “I didn’t say that.” He tilted Poe’s chin up and pulled him in for a long, lingering kiss. Poe wrapped his arms around Kylo’s waist and pulled him closer.

 

“So, where were we earlier?” Poe whispered.

 

“I think you were on my lap, making me late” Kylo said teasingly.

 

Poe laughed. “Do you want to pick up where we left off?”

 

“Yes,” Kylo breathed, pulling Poe over to the bed. He leaned back against the wall and tugged on Poe’s arm until he was straddling Kylo’s lap. Poe reached up to run his fingers through Kylo’s hair and Kylo hummed as he kissed along Poe’s jaw. Poe tilted his head back, exposing his throat for Kylo’s lips.

 

“How did I get so lucky?” Kylo asked as he trailed kisses down Poe’s throat. 

 

“I feel like I’m pretty lucky too,” Poe said. “It doesn’t hurt that you’re sexy as hell.” His voice broke slightly as Kylo’s hands ran down his back and grabbed his ass.

 

Kylo gave him a molten look of longing that took Poe’s breath away. “You drive me crazy, you know that?” He reached for Poe’s shirt and pulled it up, but it caught on Poe’s elbow so he pulled it off himself and tossed it to the side with a laugh.

 

“Someday we’ll figure that out,” Poe said as he helped Kylo out of his shirt.

 

Kylo smiled. “Someday.” He leaned in and kissed Poe, slow and yearning, and Poe sighed into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Kylo’s neck. Gradually Kylo retraced his way down Poe’s throat, across his collar bone, and when Poe closed his eyes and sighed Kylo looked at him with a wicked smirk.

 

“Hey, two can play at that game,” Poe said. He swung one leg back and collapsed on the bed, pulling Kylo down with him. Kylo made a surprised squeak, and then moaned when Poe leaned up to kiss him, stroking Kylo’s cock over his sleep pants.

 

“That’s not fighting fair,” he groaned, biting his lip and leaned back against the pillow. “Poe, could you -- could you…”

 

“Yes?” Poe asked as his hand moved from Kylo’s cock to his hip to pull him closer.

 

“Could you fuck me?” he asked, blushing and looking down the way he always did when he felt shy. 

 

Poe’s heart thudded once, twice. “ _ Yes _ ,” he said, and Kylo grinned at him, relieved and excited. He took Poe’s face in his hand and kissed him until Poe groaned and broke off the kiss.

 

“I just realized, I don’t have… anything we would need for that…”

 

Kylo blushed again. “So when I said I came prepared earlier…”

 

Poe laughed and kissed him. “Thank kriff one of us thinks ahead.” He got up and went to pick up the bag and found at least 50 condoms inside. “Damn, I’m flattered, but I think you’re slightly overestimating my endurance.”

 

Kylo laughed and rolled onto his side, leaning his cheek on his hand. “I dropped by the med bay earlier and the med droid was  _ very  _ excited to give me more condoms than I could ever ask for. And there’s lube too.” 

 

Poe dug around the bag for the lube bottle and picked out a couple condoms and came back to bed. Kylo blushed again, so Poe threw his arm over him and kissed him gently, running his hand up and down his back. “We can just cuddle if you want to,” he said softly.

 

Kylo shook his head. “It's not that, it's just... Caring for someone else was a sign of weakness, and I couldn't afford to be weak.” He traced across Poe's chest with his finger, gently. “So I'm still getting used to the fact that I can admit that I have feelings for you.” He gave that lopsided smirk Poe loved so much. “Admitting out loud that I want to get fucked by a sexy resistance pilot is kind of new territory for me.”

 

“It’s new for me too,” Poe said. “I've been burying my emotions for so long so I could focus on the next step, the next mission. And then I got knocked on my ass the second I met you.” He took Kylo's hand, holding it to his chest to feel his heartbeat. “You don't have to worry about looking strong for me. If caring makes you weak, then I'm weak too. And I love you too much to give a shit.”

 

“Kriff, I love you,” Kylo whispered as he leaned in for a kiss. 

 

Poe ran his hand down Kylo’s chest, skimmed over his hip, and finally squeezed his ass gently. Kylo moaned slightly and Poe slipped his hand into Kylo’s sleep pants. Kylo teasingly bit Poe’s lower lip and kissed his way down Poe’s jaw. “You’re gonna make me lose my mind, Dameron,” he whispered, his voice low and rough. 

 

Poe grinned and hooked his thumb into the waistband of Kylo’s pants. “Is there something I can help you with?”

 

Kylo whispered “Fuck me,” and gave him that look of liquid heat again, and  Poe felt like he was going to burst into flames. 

 

“Your wish is my command,” he whispered, sliding Klo’s pants and underwear off. “Hold on one sec.”

 

Kylo flipped over onto his stomach while Poe grabbed the bottle of lube and made sure his fingers were slick. He turned back to Kylo and kissed down his shoulders and spine as he gently slid one finger in. Kylo groaned and clutched the sheets. “Is this ok?” Poe asked.

 

“Kriff, yes,” Kylo said turning his head to kiss Poe.

 

The next few minutes passed with nothing but kisses and soft moans, until Kylo groaned, “Poe…”

 

“Are you ok? Are you ready?” Poe whispered.

 

“Yes,” Kylo moaned into the pillow, so muffled Poe almost didn’t hear him. 

 

Poe kissed his shoulder and reached over to grab one of the condoms when Kylo said, “Here, let me.” He unwrapped the condom and slowly slid it over Poe’s cock, and then grabbed the lube. Poe’s cheeks were burning, and Kylo grinned a little smugly as he laid back down on his stomach. 

 

Poe straddled Kylo’s legs, ran his hands up and down Kylo’s back and ass a few times until Kylo whispered, “Please, Poe.” He slid his cock slowly inside and Kylo swore under his breath. “Holy shit, Poe, your cock feels so good, oh fuck…”

 

Poe’s hips fell into a steady rhythm, his moans echoing Kylo’s. Suddenly Kylo’s hips bucked and Poe felt the planet tip on its axis. “Kriff, Kylo…”

 

“Poe…” Kylo groaned. “I’m going to -- to,” and then he clutched the sheets and his hips bucked harder than ever and Poe was riding the edge when suddenly the pleasure overtook him and pulled him under.

 

A few minutes later they finally caught their breath. Poe got up to throw away the condom before crawling back into bed with Kylo and kissing his cheek. “How’re you feeling? Was that good?”

 

Kylo huffed a dreamy laugh. “It was amazing. If I’d known it would be like that I wouldn’t have been so shy about asking you to have your way with me.”

 

Poe smiled. “Good. I’m glad.” He leaned down to kiss Kylo. “One of these days I’ll be begging you to have your way with me.”

 

Kylo gave that wicked grin that made Poe’s knees weak. “I look forward to it.”

 

“Me too.” Poe rested his head on Kylo’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Kylo draped his arm over Poe’s shoulder, gently running his fingers up and down his arm. 

 

“Someday I want to go off world with you,” he whispered. “Just the two of us.”

 

Poe smiled. “That sounds nice. Maybe go exploring?” 

 

He glanced up at Kylo and noticed he was blushing again. “Maybe we can go swimming.”

 

“Mmmm. And maybe find a waterfall to make out under?”

 

Kylo smiled. “Something like that.” He gave Poe a look that said they probably wouldn’t just be kissing under any secret waterfalls. 

 

“Sign me up,” Poe said. “Although I don’t think the General will be giving me any time off any time soon.”

 

Kylo laughed. “Me either.”

 

Poe yawned. “I guess we’ll have to postpone our trip then.” He propped himself up on one arm to kiss Kylo. “I love you.”

 

Kylo blinked sleepily up at him. “I love you too.”

 

Poe nuzzled into Kylo’s neck and thought of the perfect place for their trip, but just as he was about to tell Kylo he heard Kylo snore softly. He smiled to himself and wrapped his arm around him, breathing in sync with Kylo until he drifted off too.

 

***

 

The next morning at the strategy meeting, Kylo and Finn were outlining the First Order’s plan to upgrade their communications system. “As soon as it kicks in, any access we have to their comms will be harder and harder to get. We’ll be flying blind,” Kylo said. 

 

“But, thankfully, a project of that size will be a logistical nightmare,” Finn said. “So, we should be able to find a weakness and exploit it while the new system is still in beta mode.”

 

“Then that’s exactly what we’re going to do,” the General said. “Kylo, didn’t you have a diagram of the main First Order communication centers?”

 

He nodded. “Yes. The more remote centers are our best target. There’s limited surveillance, and no on-site staff except for routine checks. So we should have ample opportunity to slip in and out in between their scheduled stops.” He pointed at a star map. I’d recommend this station on Vondarc. It’s just far enough in the mid rim that they’ll assume we won’t target it.”

 

“Excellent.” The General looked over at the comm techs. “Is there a program we can use to hack into their system?”

 

The tech nodded enthusiastically, then paused. “Well, not yet, but we can get it operational in… two days’ time?” she said.

 

“Perfect.” The General stood up. “Captain Dameron.”

 

Poe’s head shot up. He’d been doodling new flight formations since he wasn’t expecting to be included. “Yes, General?”

 

“I’m putting you back on flight duty. I want you and Kylo to fly out to the communication center at Vondarc, inject the program into the system, and then fly back.” She raised an eyebrow. “I’m sending you together so you won’t do anything stupid. Don’t make me regret it.”

 

“No General,” Poe said firmly, and she nodded.

 

“Excellent. We’ll send your coordinates to your holopad within the hour. Be ready to go as soon as the program is ready.”

 

“Yes General.”

 

She walked away with a nod. Kylo raised his eyebrows in surprise. As the others went about their assigned tasks, Poe walked over and whispered, “I guess we’re going off world together after all.”

  
  


***

 

“So, let’s run through the plan again,” Kylo said, flipping through the flight checks.

 

“It’s too early,” Poe groaned, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

 

“Well, you wouldn’t be so tired if you hadn’t stayed up so late,” Kylo laughed.

 

Poe peeked up at him. “I didn’t hear any complaints yesterday,” he whispered.

 

Kylo blushed and bit his lip. “What’s the plan, Dameron?”

 

Poe sighed. “Fly to Delphon, pick up an untraceable transport, then fly to Vondarc.”

 

“Right. Then we just break into a First Order base, sabotage the communications system, and fly out. Easy.”

 

Poe squeezed his knee reassuringly. “It’ll be fine. The General wouldn’t have put me in charge if she didn’t think I was the best.” BB-8 chirped something cheeky and Poe stuck his tongue out at the droid.

 

Kylo rolled his eyes. “She did NOT put you in charge.”

 

“Well I’m older, and I’m Captain, so that means I outrank you,” Poe teased. 

 

Kylo groaned theatrically and Poe laughed. “Let’s be honest, your job is to make sure I don’t run off and do anything stupid.”

 

Kylo shrugged. “I’m getting used to being the voice of reason.”

 

Poe shoved his arm. “Alright, alright, very funny.”

 

Kylo laughed just as the General's voice came in over the comms. “Is there a problem? I would've thought Dameron would've taken over the controls by now.”

 

Poe cleared his throat. “Just running through the flight checks, Ma'am, we'll be ready any second now.”

 

“Excellent,” she said drily. “Remember to be careful on Vondarc, the weather patterns there tend to change rapidly.”

 

“We'll keep an eye out,” Kylo said. “We'll send a transmission before we leave Delphon.”

 

“Be careful,” she said. “Kylo --” she paused, cleared her throat. “May the Force be with you both.” 

 

Poe glanced over at Kylo, saw him nod mutely. “Same to you, General. Don't worry, I'll be back pestering Pava before you know it.”

 

“I'm counting on it,” she said, then the comms cut out.

 

The flight to Delphon was long, and the closer they got the more fidgety Kylo got. “You nervous?” Poe asked.

 

Kylo shrugged. “A little. Are you?”

 

“A little,” Poe admitted. “I’ve been to my fair share of smuggler’s hideouts, and there’s no way it can be worse than Kaddak, but still…”

 

“You’ve been to Kaddak?” Kylo asked incredulously. “Holy kriff…”

 

“Yeah, I had a rendezvous with a mutual friend.” Kylo looked at him, confused. “Agent Terex,” Poe clarified. 

 

Kylo leaned his head back against the headrest. “Damn, I read that report. Terex was the worst.”

 

“He really was,” Poe said, and they both laughed.

 

“I’ve been in tight spots before,” Kylo said. “But I’m used to slashing my way out with my lightsaber, which isn’t exactly subtle.”

 

Poe laughed. “Yeah, whipping out your lightsaber  _ might  _ be a giveaway if things get dicey.”

 

Kylo wrinkled his nose at Poe. “I  _ know _ , I brought a blaster, even though they’re the worst.”

 

“Well, not all of us can use fancy laser swords.” Poe said and Kylo huffed a laugh. “Don’t worry,” Poe said, “BB-8 has gotten me out of more disasters than I can count.” BB-8 chirped cheerfully from his docket.

 

Suddenly the display beeped and Kylo leaned over to check the coordinates. “It looks like we’re coming up on Delphon.”

 

Poe stretched. “Show time!” He leaned over and kissed Kylo’s cheek. “It’ll be fine. We’ll be in and out before you know it.”

 

***

 

“Ren, move your ass!” Poe shouted as he dove behind a cargo crate. Blaster shots whizzed over his shoulder. 

 

Kylo took one last shot and ducked behind the cargo crate next to Poe. “I thought you said we’d be in and out, no problem,” he grumbled as he peeked around the corner to see who was coming.

 

“Well, I can’t help that I’m an optimist.”

 

BB-8 chirped loudly over the comms. “BB-8, that’s hurtful,” Poe said, but Kylo grinned. “Is the ship ready to launch?”

 

BB-8 chirped again. “Well get the engine running, we’re on our way.” Poe looked over at Kylo. “You ready to make a run for it?”

 

Kylo grabbed Poe’s jacket and pulled him in for a kiss. When he pulled away Poe stared at him,  a little dazed. “I am now,” Kylo said, checking the perimeter. “Time to move your ass, Dameron!” He pushed off the ground, fired two shots over the shipping crates and took off at a run. 

 

A smuggler ran forward, taking aim at Kylo’s back. Poe took a swing and sent him flying. He turned and saw a crowd of smugglers  _ and  _ guards coming his way. He squeezed off three shots and then noticed a crane holding a huge crate overhead. 

 

He ran over to the controls, pushing every button, while he tried to ignore that his new friends were getting closer and closer. “How is this more complicated than an X-wing??” he grumbled. Finally he found the “release” button and sent the crate crashing to the ground. It exploded in shards of wood and metal and sawdust, and in the chaos he took off running after Kylo. 

 

Kylo was standing at the top of the gang plank, waiting. “Poe, what are you doing? Come on!” 

 

Poe ran up the platform. “I’m here, I’m here, punch it, BB-8!” 

 

The engine started roaring as the thrusters left the platform, and he and Kylo scrambled up to the cockpit. “We need to get airborne  _ now _ ,” Kylo said. 

 

“I’ve got it,” Poe said, “Pull up the coordinates so we can make the jump to hyperspace, I’ll lose ‘em.”

 

“On it,” Kylo said. He glanced out the window. “It looks like we’ve got company.”

 

“Right on time,” Poe said, banking sharply to the right. 

 

“Now would be a good time to be on a ship with guns,” Kylo said, watching the speeders approaching faster and faster. 

 

“I saw a canyon just outside of town, we’ll lose them there and then once we leave the atmosphere we can jump to hyperspace.” Poe said.

 

Kylo clenched his arm rest harder and harder as Poe’s evasive maneuvers got riskier and riskier. Finally Poe banked sharply to avoid a huge boulder and the last speeder clipped its tail and went spinning to the bottom of the gorge. 

 

Poe pulled out of the canyon and took the ship straight towards the atmosphere. “You got the coordinates ready?” 

 

Kylo let out a slow breath. “Yep.” 

 

“Great. I’ll send a transmission to the General that we’re on our way to Vondarc,” Poe said, typing the message into the computer.

 

“You ready?” Kylo said.

 

“Mhmmm,” Poe said. 

 

“Jumping to hyperspace in 3… 2… 1…” Kylo said. The engine’s roar slowed to a steady rumble, and Kylo slumped into his seat. 

 

“Mission accomplished?” Poe said. Kylo raised an eyebrow and Poe sighed. “Sorry, I should’ve known my luck wouldn’t hold out this long.”

 

“It’s not that,” Kylo said, taking Poe’s face in his hands. “I turned around and you’d disappeared. I’ve never been more scared in my life.”

 

Poe put his hand over Kylo’s. “I’m sorry. Someone tried to take a shot at you and then I had to distract the others…”

 

Kylo rested his forehead against Poe’s. “Thank you. But please don’t ever do that again.”

 

Poe kissed him softly. “Deal. Next time let’s go somewhere a little more quiet.”

 

Kylo chuckled. “Sounds perfect.”

 

BB-8 rolled up, chattering excitedly. “Yes, you’re invited too,” Poe said, laughing. 

 

Kylo took Poe’s hand. “I can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I love writing about these boys and I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> (Song title inspired by Feelings cause I've been listening to a lot of Hayley Kiyoko haha.)


	5. The Blackness of Some Distant Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I once kneeled in shaking thrill  
> I chase the memory of it still, of every chill  
> Chided by that silence of a hush sublime  
> Blind to the purpose of the brute divine  
> But you were mine  
> Staring in the blackness at some distant star...

Once they entered the atmosphere on Vondarc, Poe and Kylo looked up at the sky anxiously. The clouds were a threatening greenish-gray, and the ship’s temperature meter started dropping rapidly. They both pretended not to notice as a flurry of snowflakes turned into a dusting, and then a full-on snow storm.

“It looks like we’ll be here a while,” Poe said, typing in a message to the Resistance base.

“I know I said I wanted to take a trip with you, but this isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” Kylo joked.

Poe grinned. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

They flew along the coastline, far from Vonport and any villages or resort towns so they wouldn’t be noticed. 

When they finally reached the communication center the snow was coming hard and fast. Poe landed in a small clearing, out of range of any sensors or cameras.

He wrinkled his nose as they walked down the ramp, dragging BB-8 behind him on a makeshift raft so he wouldn’t get stuck in a snow drift. “I hate snow,” he grumbled, shifting his pack so he could pull his coat tighter around him.

Kylo smirked. “I don’t like that face,” Poe said, and sure enough, as soon as he turned to check that BB-8 was securely on the raft, he got a snowball straight to the face. Kylo laughed as he spluttered, but gasped when Poe tackled him and wrestled him to the ground.

“This is revenge,” Poe hissed as he shoved snow down the back of Kylo’s shirt.

Kylo yelped. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry!” he pleaded.

Poe paused, holding a quickly-melting handful of snow, when suddenly a wall of snow came out of nowhere, sending him flying. “Using the Force is  _ cheating _ !” he yelled.

“Do you need me to come dig you out?” Kylo taunted, grinning from ear to ear when he found Poe buried up to his waist in a snow drift. 

“I don’t need any help from cheaters,” Poe grumbled. “We’re here on a mission and  _ someone  _ is determined to give me pneumonia.”

Kylo rolled his eyes and held out a hand. “Are you done complaining now?”

Poe glared, but took his hand. He had to drag his pack out of the snow drift. BB-8’s head tilted as they walked back to the forgotten raft. “I’m sorry buddy,” Poe crooned. “Some people are inconsiderate.”

“I still have slush in my shirt, you know,” Kylo said.

“I’ll make sure your Mom gives you a medal when we get back.”

“I’ll tell you where to put your kriffing medal…” 

Poe grinned, looking back at Kylo over his shoulder. “What was that?”

“Wait!” Kylo whispered, grabbing his arm. “You’re about to pass the sensor.”

Poe turned and sure enough, he could see a blast door through the tree branches.

“You  _ do  _ have a plan to get inside, right?” he asked.

“You don’t?” Kylo asked incredulously.

Poe shrugged. “I was gonna do what I always do -- wing it.”

Kylo laughed. “Why don’t we try this first?” he waved his hand and the sensors turned away, as if they’d been knocked aside by the wind. 

“Where have you been all my life?” Poe asked and Kylo grinned.

“Come on, let’s go.”

As soon as Kylo punched in the override code, he walked over to the holoscreen terminals. Poe watched a shadow pass over his face as he looked around the austere room.

“I’ll erase any entry records, plus any video footage, so the First Order won’t get any alerts that we’re here,” Kylo said, pulling up the security programs.

“I’ll check the log to see when the next maintenance check is,” Poe said, turning to another terminal.

BB-8 beeped behind him. “Good idea, buddy,” Poe said. “Can you access the data without triggering any sensors?”

BB-8 gave a snarky chirp and rolled over to one of the ports, plugging into the network.

Poe stuck his tongue out at BB-8 before  skimming the log. “It looks like the last check was four months ago, with another in three months.”

“Perfect,” Kylo said, scanning the alerts so he could cancel them.

Poe fidgeted with the strap of his pack. “It looks like we’ll be stuck here at least overnight.”

Kylo nodded, biting his lip as he glanced at the gleaming walls. Poe stood up, shouldering his bag.

“I’ll go set up our sleeping gear.”

“Ok,” Kylo said.

Poe passed through the door and scanned the rest of the center. There wasn’t much space, but the equipment room could work.

He took a scan of the room so they could rearrange it before they left, then pushed everything against the back wall. Then he unrolled the sleeping mats and blankets, laying them in the center of the room.

He pulled out the lights he’d brought with him, scattering them around the room. He was just plugging coordinates into the hologram projector when Kylo walked in.

“The program should finish uploading soon, and then I can erase any record of it --” he said, stopping short and gaping at the constellations that were suddenly projected around the room.

“The star system around my homeworld,” Poe explained. He pointed out a curling pattern of stars. “This one’s my favorite. I used to sneak out of bed at night to see the meteor showers.

Kylo took his hand. “I’d like to see it someday.”

“I know it’s no waterfall,” Poe said, but Kylo shook his head.

“I love it,” he whispered, kissing him softly

Poe smiled. “Do you wanna see your homeworld’s system?”

Kylo shrugged. “It’s Chandrila, but we didn’t go back after the Senate moved to a new system. I don't really remember it. ” He smiled suddenly. “Can you find Naboo?”

Poe tinkered with the projector. “Sure!” The stars of Yavin 4 disappeared, replaced by the constellations of Naboo. 

“My grandmother’s homeworld,” Kylo said. “My mother took me sometimes, since her homeworld was gone. I think she wanted to feel at home somewhere.”

He pulled Poe closer. “It’s beautiful there. The lake district has gardens full of flowers I’ve never seen anywhere else.” His lips curved. “There are a lot of places to get lost.”

Poe smiled, soaking in the reflected starlight in his eyes. “We should go. We’ll visit Yavin 4, and then Naboo.”

“Sounds perfect,” Kylo whispered. He leaned down and kissed him deeply in the light of far distant stars.

Later Poe woke up with a start. He reached for Kylo, but realized that the bed was cold. 

BB-8 was still powered down, so Poe got up as quietly as he could, shrugging on his coat.

He found Kylo sitting outside. The storm had almost blown out, so he was looking up at the stars shimmering through the gaps in the clouds.

Poe cleared his throat. “A little cold out here, isn’t it?”

Kylo looked over his shoulder. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Poe sat next to him, wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Everything ok?”

Kylo shrugged. “Just a nightmare.” He shot a quick glance at Poe. “About Jakku.”

Poe noticed that Kylo’s hands were clenched in his lap, and knew they were both remembering flames against a night sky. He reached over and took Kylo’s hand in his, squeezing his fingers gently.

“I don’t understand it,” Kylo whispered, almost to himself.

“What?”

“How you can forgive me for… everything. I can’t even forgive myself.”

Poe frowned thoughtfully. “Well, before you defected I was pretty much convinced you were evil incarnate. No offense.”

Kylo huffed a weak laugh. “None taken.”

“But then you joined the Resistance and I saw how hard you threw yourself into helping us… and I think I understood.”

Kylo looked over at him, worry etched on his face. “Understood what?”

“I don’t think we’re that different.”

“How can you say that? You’re so  _ good _ , how can you even think we’re alike?”

Poe bit his lip. “If I’m honest? If Snoke had gotten to me before Leia and told me I was special, that I’d be making things right?” He shrugged. “I don’t know if I could’ve resisted that. And if I had gone to the First Order, I’d be doing whatever I could to win.”

Kylo nodded, running his thumb along Poe’s finger. “When it came out that Darth Vader was my grandfather it was… terrible,” he whispered. “Now instead of the golden boy I was the descendant of the most feared man in the galaxy. And everyone was afraid of me.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Poe murmured.

“The worst part was, my mom never told me.” Kylo said. “I found out because another Senator went public. My own mother didn’t trust me enough. So then when Snoke started talking about my destiny…” 

He sighed. “I got pulled in. Everyone else thought I was Darth Vader’s legacy, so it felt inevitable.” He laughed grimly. “I thought I might as well live down to their expectations.”

Poe leaned into him. “But you’re here now. You’re doing your best to fix things.” He absently reached up and brushed Kylo's hair back. “You know I’m proud of you, right?”

Kylo looked down at him, smiling for the first time. “I know.”

“And I know your Mom’s proud of you.” Poe swallowed, his throat suddenly tight. “I know Luke and your Dad would be too.” Kylo nodded, reaching up to brush away some errant tears.

“I’m thinking about going back to Ben, actually,” he said finally. “That’s what he called me, before…” he shook his head. “I know it won’t change what happened, but… It feels like a good way to start over.”

He looked at Poe nervously, and Poe smiled. “I think he’d like that.” He nudged Kylo with his elbow. “I might slip up at first.”

Kylo -- Ben smiled. “That’s ok. I know it takes old people longer to learn new things."

Poe clutched at his chest in mock horror. "I can't believe my own boyfriend --" Ben snickered and wrapped his arms around Poe's chest, pulling him into his lap. 

"You know I love you," he whispered, and the warm breath sent a shiver down Poe's neck. "Even if you are old."

"It's a three year difference," Poe protested, and Ben laughed and kissed him.

The next morning they slowly packed and rearranged everything. Poe sighed. “I’m not ready to go back yet.”

Ben smiled ruefully. “Me either.” He rested his hand on the small of Poe’s back. “I’m not ready to pretend we’re not together.”

“Then let’s not,” Poe said, looking up at him.

Ben’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

“Really.” Poe pressed a kiss to his throat.

“What about the others?” Ben asked, flushing.

“I don’t care,” Poe said. “Plus I’m pretty sure Rose and Rey are already suspicious.”

Ben smirked. “Ok. Let’s do it.”

Poe kissed him. “I guess that means it’s time to go.”

Their time in Delphon was much less dramatic than the first time they’d passed through. Soon they’d reclaimed their ship and traveled back to the Resistance base.

Ben paused outside the door to the mess hall and Poe took his hand. “You ready?”

Ben nodded and squeezed his hand. “I am if you are.”

When they walked in, holding hands, everyone in the room went quiet. Until Rey jumped up, punching the air.

“I  _ knew  _ it!” she cheered. She turned and jabbed a finger at Pava and Finn. “You owe me!”

“What’s going on?” Poe asked, laughing.

“We had a bet going,” Finn said glumly, handing over the credits he owed. 

“Yeah,” Pava grumbled. “The one time you make a move, Dameron.” She looked at Ben and raised an eyebrow. “He must really like you.”

Ben blushed and Rose piped up. “All right, everybody, I think we’ve embarrassed them enough.”

“For three lifetimes,” Ben muttered, and they all laughed.

As Poe went to get dinner, Rose caught his arm. “I’ve got news about your compressor, Lover Boy,” she whispered, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

A few days later Poe woke up early, slipping out of bed quietly so he wouldn’t wake up Ben.

He went down to the hangar, thrilled to finally get his hands on a ship again.

A few hours later he was wiping the grease off his hands, admiring his handiwork, when Ben came looking for him. 

“I wondered where you went,” he said. “He frowned when he saw the smudges of oil on Poe’s face. “Were you cleared to work on your ship?”

Poe grinned. “It wasn’t my ship.”

He nodded at Ben’s ship, and his jaw dropped. “How’d you get a First Order compressor?”

“Called in a favor,” Poe said. Ben pulled him close and kissed him so hard his knees went weak.

“Come on!” Ben said, dragging Poe onto the ship with him.

He started the engine and beamed when it purred to life. “I missed you too,” he whispered, running his hands over the controls. He looked up at Poe. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Poe smiled and swung the pilot’s seat around.

“What are you doing?” Ben asked, laughing.

Poe knelt in front of him. “Did you think I forgot I promised to blow you in the pilot’s seat?”

Ben’s breath caught in his throat as Poe reached for him. “Kriff, Poe!” His fingers wove through Poe’s curls.

Poe grinned up at him. “What was that?” he asked, stroking Ben’s cock over his pants.

“I could get used to this,” Ben laughed.

Poe pulled himself up by the armrests and kissed him. “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Walks in 5 months late with Starbucks*
> 
> I finally finished! It was a long time coming, but I figured I needed to get it done before Rise of Skywalker comes out. I hope you enjoyed! I love writing about these two nerds!
> 
> The chapter title's inspired by a line from Better Love by Hozier, which isn't my favorite song by him, but the line is pretty great.

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after Episode VIII, since who knows what's going to happen in Episode IX? Let's just have fun with it! Thanks for reading! Any feedback is appreciated!
> 
> Chapter title inspired by Cardiac Arrest by Bad Suns, one of my favorite songs. <3


End file.
